No More Ex Confusion

It's funny how a concept as simple as past tense can make everything so much clearer. I finally had a good talk with my ex, fleshed out all of my thoughts and feelings since we broke up almost a year ago, and he put a subtle little "d" at the end of "love" to tell me exactly where we stand.
Ah well. Maybe now I'll be more successful in actually moving on.
Well, that's probably not all too likely since I'm a huge introvert, and am more than likely not what the average person looks for in a mate. I suppose I have more of a chance with women, but since I've never been with one, I am extraordinarily nervous about such new territory of relationships.
But yeah. I'm an atheist, feminist, bisexual/pansexual/queer who considers herself to be one entire woman plus half a man (thank you, Eddie Izzard, for the description) to the point I really want a fake dick. I'm not all too thin, and in an idea world, I'd rarely have to shave ever again. I also never want kids and am super fucking messy. While I do have my perks (or so I like to believe), this is not a list of traits most people want in a partner. At all.
But enough self-pity. I'm only 22 years old. I'm becoming more social, and I'm going to a fairly liberal college (not the most liberal college or anything, but liberal enough). I'm a Psych and Women's and Gender Studies major, so if there's anyone who can deal with my weird traits, I'll probably find them there.
I mean, there's also this super cute, nice, and laid back coworker I kind of attempt to flirt with. I am no good at flirting. At all. And I can't tell if he's flirting or being super nice. But oh well. I have my little fantasy. haha

Stress Again for the Weekend

I hate when professors say they want you to really understand the topics they're teaching, and be able to think scientifically about those topics, and then have six questions about this small part of one of the topics that you don't remember going over at all in class. What I'm trying to say is, I thought I'd at least get a high C on my latest test, but I got a D. Two D's in a row, and there are four tests in this class.
In other news, I still really want to get back with my ex, and it's hard to get that out of my head. I keep thinking about how one of the reasonings for breaking up with me because of the distance was that my work schedule would not allow us to see each other much at all, since I always worked weekends, but now I'll never work weekends, so I could hypothetically see him every weekend. I wish I could tell if I want him back because I love him so much, or because new relationships are frightening. I'm thinking a mixture of both. It doesn't help that the girl I was seeing hasn't texted me in over a week, almost two, partially because there's no way we'd be able to see each other very often, since she does work on the weekends and has a more active social life than me.
And now it's late March, and I still have no idea where I'm going to live starting June.
I just can't wait for spring break so I can forget about all these worries and responsibilities for a week, and enjoy time with my best friend in Florida. Then I get to come back and worry about how much money I spent. haha
On the bright side, I just got a text from someone in my bio class, whom I consider to be pretty hard working and smart, and she apparently did not get that great of a grade, either. I mean, she probably got a C, but if all her studying and smarts only got her a C, then I don't feel too bad. So apparently we're going to form a study group.

Figuring out the future

Classes for this summer and next semester have been enrolled in! And I ended my sentence in a preposition! And I also figured out my general sort of schedule until I graduate! Exclamations!

But seriously, I feel like that's a weight off my shoulders, though I'm more than a bit disappointed that I'm not sure I'll have room for human sexuality, sex differences, or Harry Potter: religion and magic by the time I graduate... I guess I'll try to squeeze them in there somehow! Now I just have to get everything approved by my advisers, which means actually dropping my bio major and adding my WGST major, sociology minor, and multicultural certificate (which I'll be eligible for after I'm finished with my summer classes), so I still have a bit of work to do!

Anyway, I have work at seven in the morning (which means if I go to bed immediately, I still won't get my full 8 hours), a test tomorrow to study for, and laundry I meant to do today, but got too worried about a potential fiasco with class scheduling to actually do. Guess I'll have to do laundry tomorrow night after my test? We'll see. In the mean time, should I sleep on the futon or on my bed without the sheets? Decisions, decisions.

Stoner Neighbors and John Green

At least two of my five neighbors (well, people who live in my apartment building) smoke constantly. The first floor of my building regularly smells like pot, and I'm pretty sure my next door neighbor smokes a good bit, too. I'm just sitting here, minding my own business, when my apartment is engulfed in the smell. Can you get second hand high? Second hand high through doors and/or vents? Oh well, I'll probably just be sitting at home eating the mediocre chocolate cake (with no frosting) I baked yesterday, anyway. haha

So I recently splurged and bought John Green's box set. I have already read his latest novel, The Fault in Our Stars, and I was trying to save the other three books for my three hour flights to and from Florida during spring break, but apparently I have no willpower when just sitting next to a box set of books by an author I know is amazing. So, I did as any weak-willed nerdfighter would do, and I began reading "Looking for Alaska," certain that I could just read a small section then get back to the homework and studying I needed to do. Yeah, in less than four hours, I finished it, and it was amazing, and I hate John Green. So many feelings! I love his style of writing, the language he uses, how real and full of faults and awesome his characters are... And I hate him. haha He's too good and manipulates my emotions too well! I really need to work on my novel some more. Though now I think it's going to have a sequel, because there's something else I want to happen, but now that I think about some of the things I want to happen in the first book, I really can't imagine it spanning two books, and I should probably just keep it to a novel. The plot twist I would introduce to turn it into two books would be pretty interesting, I think, which makes it tempting. I guess we'll see what happens when I get there.

Stress Again

So I thought all the stress was gone for at least a little bit, but no. I need to look for another apartment. My dad isn't a huge fan of the lease terms for the apartment I picked out, so he wants me to find another one. Hopefully I'll be able to find one that suits us both (since he is the one paying most of the rent) soon. I am definitely tired of apartment searching.

On the bright side, I could theoretically be done with my fall online class in a month, if I hit the limit of three assignments each week. I mean, technically I could have done that shortly after I started the class (though you have to be in the class for six weeks), but I'm pretty lazy. haha However, since fall semester is over in May, I'd rather not have this class hanging around until August, so I'll be doing at least an assignment every weekend until I get it done. Well, that would still not have me done until finals week, so I guess I should pick it up. Maybe at least two each weekend? That sounds better.

Having weekends off is pretty kickass. I really can't wait until next semester, because my schedule is going to be awesome, assuming I'm able to register for all the classes I want. If not, well... That'll be another stress back to haunt me.

Frequency, Stress, and Scheduling

So I'm taking a creative writing class that requires I post on a blog, so I suppose I'll be posting here more often. Well, this isn't the blog I'm doing for my class (I created a new one), but I might as well post more since I'm right here anyway.

I've really just been feeling stupid lately because I'm having a hard time moving on. New relationships are hard, and I really enjoyed my last one. It was nice and comfortable; not a lot of new information or habits had to be revealed. However, I'm having a really hard time starting this new relationship because I am not a person who is typically comfortable taking initiative, and I feel that's all I've been doing, and she has just been much more passive. It's also hard to work between our two schedules of work, class, and social life, and with her not suggesting many times she's available to do something, I feel like I'm putting too much energy into it. Oh well, I guess it'll be figured out one way or another.

On the bright side, I'm getting a new position at work that should pay more (once I officially start it when the semester ends) AND it gives me weekends off! I just made up my schedule for next semester that is almost perfect; it gives me time in the morning to work the new position, it gives me time in the evening to go to my organizations, and the only class I'm not absolutely looking forward to is German, because I am not a person who learns languages easily. I wish I was; that would be so cool! My old roommate can. She learned German and English at about the same time, took three or four years of Spanish in high school, and is considering learning Japanese. I, however, actually have to work for it. haha

Not exactly an extrovert

Being a pretty big introvert, it's hard for me to get into social situations. However, I realize social skills and activities are needed in life, and I'm trying to be better about initiating, but it's all so exhausting. For example, I'm trying to go out on dates with this one woman, but I think she's also pretty shy because I've been the one texting first and asking to go out and all that, and I'm not sure I can manage that much longer, nor do I want to set a pattern for the future. Ah well. First world problems and all that. But seriously, being a successful college student can be freaking hard for an introvert like me. haha